


Emotions

by ZenHeyerdall



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Implied Shadowgast - Freeform, and he's really surprised about some stuff, essek has feelings and he doesn't know what to do with them, more or less, verin wants to helps his big bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:21:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25825042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZenHeyerdall/pseuds/ZenHeyerdall
Summary: Verin thinks he knows his brother better than anyone and considers that there is nothing that can surprise him when Essek is discussed, but during a visit home he finds out about something that he still has to discover about him.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & Verin Thelyss
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	Emotions

Verin Thelyss rarely payed a visit to his home since he had been sent to Bazzoxan and he had been more than delighted to have an excuse not to have to visit his mother and his perfect older brother. But now with the war over and the new and fragile peace, a week ago he received an invitation from his Umavi (and mother ) to a family dinner and a threat that she wouldn't tolerate any excuse on his part, he was forced to go even when he despised being around his perfect family.

Hopefully his mother was so busy talking about the new peace that she was going to forget about any other topic that made him feel like he wasn't welcome.

But Verin had his head elsewhere, despite the fact that there was no war against the empire, his job as Taskhand in Bazzoxan wasn't finished, the danger posed by the Umbra Gates were still latent and his work remained the same as always, for him nothing it had changed. His job was still important.

He liked his job, being able to prove to himself that it wasn't necessary to be a dunamancy genius to be talented at something and thus get his mother to treat him with respect and accept him as her son.

Although according to the news that had arrived from Rosohna they had recovered one of the beacons that had been stolen by the Dwendalian Empire and now all those who could be in danger had a new hope. So he appreciated the peace, knowing that none of his companions was going to die and never come back, instead finally they will return to the Luxon for an indeterminate time and then be reborn.

So he had to be happy about it because it was all good news for the Kryn and he couldn't hope for better circumstances in which to return home.

But when he comes to their home he is surprised at one thing.

Essek isn't there to receive it.

Normally when Verin returns home at his mother's request his brother is usually present, assuming that out of courtesy because he doubts Essek is in any way interested in how his insignificant younger brother is doing and whose visits take him away from really important work. The last time he had a family dinner it resulted in a real headache because his mother couln't stop talking about Essek's latest discoveries and how stupid it was that Verin had enlisted to die like his father.

And there was something that both brothers had in common despite their enormous differences.

They both hated to remember their father, although Verin imagined that for different reasons, knowing his brother perhaps it bothered him that his father had been someone so happy with what he had and not aspiring to something else given his position in the dynasty. But for Verin he had been his father, he respected him and wished that he hadn't died under those circumstances, without the possibility of returning to the Luxon to meet again many years later.

But they hadn't spoken for a long time, although they had never been the most united brothers in the world, they used to treat each other with respect and a cold courtesy because Verin believed that they could be completely different in terms of objectives and points of view but they were still brothers, so he didn't know what to expect given the fact that Essek had been absent that night.

And yet his steps led him to the tower where he knew that his brother worked and spent most of his time and lived. What was he supposed to do ? Knock on the door and wait for someone to open it? He didn't even know if Essek was going to want to greet him, if he was so busy he was probably probably going to tell him not to bother him, as he used to when they were younger.

Verin decided after a few minutes mentally arguing with himself about whether it was best to leave his brother alone and go home to sleep or whether to disturb him a bit, after all he was worried that he hadn't seen him. He was worried about his brother because over the years he was becoming a hermit and he didn't know any friend or partner of him, in fact he doubted that Essek was interested in something like that.

There were guards at the entrance of the tower, of course, but in Rosohna everyone knew who he is so he knew very well that they weren't going to stop him or ask him to leave. who honestly in his opinion must have had one of the most useless jobs in all of Xhorhas because his brother knew how to defend himself very well with his magic if something dangerous happened but as he was a member of a Den and with an important position in the dynasty he had to have some protection in his home, and spoke.

"Good evening, is my brother at home? "

"Yes, Taskhand Thelyss but ..." said one of the guards. But Verin already imagined what he was going to end up saying so he avoided hearing it.

"But he's busy" Verin finished the sentence for them. "I know but I imagine he has some time for his little brother whom he hasn't seen for months"

It was probably going to be useless because if Essek didn't want to see anyone but he was surprised to see that the guards had another answer.

"No sir ... the truth is that your brother has been strange...for a few days …"

"In what sense?" he had to ask why to him, his brother was strange. At least to him.

"Well ... he's been meeting with the heroes of the Dynasty, the Mighty Nein, but since the peace pact meeting ... well, we haven't seen him leave since then" and Verin had to admit that they seemed genuinely concerned.

"It's okay, I'll take care of that" he told them. Now more than worried what he felt was curiosity because his brother didn't usually interact with anyone and sounded, although perhaps he was wrong, as he had friends and Essek with friends were a concept that Verin was unaware of.

The guards looked at each other and after one nodded, the other entered the tower, he supposed that to tell his brother that he had a visitor, Verin waited in silence and after a few minutes Essek came out to greet him.

Verin could see a couple of things when he saw him and it was how tired he looked , it seemed as if Essek hadn't been sleeping well for a few days and surely if his skin had been a lighter shade someone could notice the dark circles under his eyes. Even his clothes looked ... less neat and more neglected, as if he hadn't changed clothes for a couple of days and would have wrinkled (In fact he would have believed that he had slept with these but already in case he doubted that he had rested) , it was a change that not many would know, but he knew his older brother well enough to know that something was indeed wrong.

"Verin? What are you doing here?" his brother didn't sound confused or annoyed with his presence, in fact, he didn't sound like anything and that was weird.

"Mother wanted to talk to me, about the peace and how I'm doing in Bazzoxan" in short, that was the only thing they had talked about and it was not as if his brother had missed something by not coming.

"That doesn't explain what are you doing here, at my house" now if he seems slightly annoyed at having to specify.

“Just wanted to check on you, it's been a while big brother”

“It's been...yes...”

Essek then stepped away from the entrance to let his brother enter. If he knew his younger brother then he knew he had no way of kicking Verin out of his house knowing that he knew his excuses well better than anyone else and that he wouldn't take no for an answer. So even though he preferred to be alone with his thoughts, he thought it best to spend some time with Verin and take him to one of the rooms in the main tower that he used as a waiting room for the few visits he had .

"You seem ... tired, have you been working late on your investigations?" he asked taking a seat in one of the free armchairs that seemed not to have been occupied in weeks. Verin remembered when he was younger, when they both were, and Essek spent hours studying until it was very late.

"I've been busy, yes." Essek decided to stay on his feet, perhaps thinking that it would be a quick conversation.

"You should take a break, you don't look good at all" and Verin was genuinely concerned for his brother.

"I don't have time for these things, I have important work to do," he informed him.

"Brother, you are married to your job" joked the youngest, earning a look of censure from the older.

Because Verin didn't know the truth and would never know it if it was up to Essek to hide it from him (to him and everyone if he wanted to stay alive) so he couldn't really tell him why it seemed like he hadn't slept in days.

Because since the last time he had seen the Mighty Nein he hadn't been able to sleep for two hours in a row fearing that everything he had done would turn against him and that he would end up being executed for his sins and his involvement in the war against the Dwendalian Empire. He didn't mind disappointing anyone in the dynasty because he had never felt very attached to them, maybe only to Verin and because deep inside he considered him to be his older brother and that he should take care of him (although he knew from the news that reached him they indicated that he didn't need anyone to do it) and that there was the slightest chance that Verin admired him in some way. They were brothers despite how different they were.

Also, he hadn't heard from the Mighty Nein for days which was strange, they had left in their boat to an island to carry out an event about the Deity ( altought Essek wasn't sure about what The Traveller was) that Jester apparently worshiped, but many days ago passed after they left and the strange thing was that the tiefling hadn't sent him any messages at unexpected times or in the wee hours of the morning. He didn't know if they were busy or if something was wrong because with the line of work they had, he had thousands of possibilities in his mind of what could have gone wrong.

"Essek?" his brother's voice broughts him back to reality, the older one blinks as if he had come back from a dream and looks at him.

"Yes?" Essek feared that his brother had said something to him and he hadn't listened.

"You are not well" and it's not a question or a sentence by itself, Verin is confirming it, he knows something is wrong "Essek, I know we don't get along very well but ... if you need help or are worried about something you can count on me"

Essek knew that his brother probably meant that from his heart, he knew that he cared a lot for his companions in Bazzoxan but he wasn't entirely sure it was the same for him and he couldn't tell him the truth either so he was going to have to improvise but Verin didn't give him time to think of a good excuse.

“You seem concerned, about your job? No ... I don't think so, you've always been very confident and proud of what you do, I haven't seen you waver in your entire life, Mr. Head High. So I suppose it is something more personal but I don't know if you have a private life, you are the least sociable man I know "

Essek arched an eyebrow because he had to acknowledge, deep down and reluctantly, that his brother was right but he had a clear conscience about the reason why up to now he hadn't gotten along with anyone. He didn't fit in with the people he had been forced to surround himself with since he was born and he had turned away from them and their ideals as if they were sick.

But it didn't mean that he was offended that Verin said it so freely.

What could he tell him then?

And it occurred to him just that, that Verin was sociable, that he had people at his charge who trusted him, and that he was used to dealing with his men and the concerns that came with his position.

He didn't usually ask for help, he didn't usually talk about what he felt unless he felt cornered but maybe he could trust his little brother a bit. Pride was important to him but it wouldn't kill him to have a conversation with someone who could get him out of doubt.

"Verin, can I ask you a question? What would you do if some of your men had gone out on a mission and hadn't contacted you in days?

His brother considered his question, taking the time to ponder a good answer.

"It all depends on several factors, is it a risk mission or not? Did they have to contact me at any specific time during this? Is there a possibility that the enemy has ambushed them? Should they have come back in a specific time frame? Is it possible that something caused them to delay or entertain them along the way? " Verin seemed to be really weighing any possibility that might have happened as if it were his mission and Essek had to admire the fact that he took it seriously “If I had more details I could help you but ... why do you ask? "

"I ... have some associates ... who a few weeks ago went out to ... it's complicated to explain and I don't even think I understand what they're up to, but one of them usually contacts me every two to three to send me news or ask me for a favor " he explained to his brother sitting in another sofa. Only that he decided to save himself from telling him that it is usually at the most inopportune moments "And since they left I haven't heard from them"

"Associates?" Verin started to laugh when he saw the way his brother refered to the group “ “Essek take the stick out of your ass and call them for what they are, they are your friends, right? That's something you have to know, not me "

"Yes ... I could consider them my friends," Essek admitted. He thought about how they had treated him, about the kindness that each and every one of them had given him from the first moment they had spoken. And although sometimes they were a headache , he had feared that the truth would make them change their minds about him, which surprisingly seemed not to have happened, he was grafetul for their kindness " They are my friends"

"You have friends!" Verin exclaimed that as if it was the most incredible news he had ever heard but he seemed happy and smiled "I never thought I would live to see you with friends" he got up from his seat and came over to pat his older brother on the back " "Hey, I'm proud of you, I'm glad to see that you have found people with whom you feel comfortable"

"Are you proud of me for that?" he asked. Essek considered that he had done quite a few things that he himself was quite proud of but his brother had chosen that one in particular to be proud of him.

"You don't understand, Essek, you've always been locked up with your studies and now you have friends, people you care about to such an extent that you've asked me for advice." Verin tried to recall if his brother had ever been associated with someone beyond his work-related matters but he didn't found anybody.

Verin, who had been left to process the Essek concept with friends, ended up sitting next to his older brother.

"You have to tell me about them," he ordered.

He had to know the people who had made Essek come out of his comfortable confinement and since it seemed that they were not in Rosohna at the moment he would have to settle for listening to him speak about them.

“They are a strange and noisy group, have you seen the house with the tree on the roof? It's their's, ”he explained.

“Umavi told me that the Thelyss had offered a home to the new heroes of the dynasty and if I have seen the tree on the roof, is it them? Your friends? They don't seem to care what they think of them doing things like that, I respect that. " he remembered that she had mentioned them at dinner and that they were the same ones the guards had mentioned before “The Mighty Nein, right? They have caused quite a stir around here "

"It's a soft way of saying it" admits Essek although deep down he thinks that the correct way would be to say that they have changed everything, including him. "They have good intentions but they are somewhat chaotic and unpredictable"

"You don't have the slightest idea ..." and Essek smiled, SMILED, mentioning that as if it were some kind of personal secret that he didn't wish to reveal to him.

"Maybe you can tell me a little about them" Verin asked him. It was the second time he had asked him but he was really interested, he wanted to know the people who were making his brother feel emotions for the first time in his life.

"Nothing I tell you is going to prepare you for the day you meet them, but I can make a brief summary" admitted the older. And Verin knew he was sincere, surely the Mighty Nein were really interesting, and he longed for the moment when he could meet them and, why not, embarrass Essek by telling stories about him.

Verin saw his brother reflect for a moment, he supposed he was looking for the right way to talk to him about his friends without giving him many details ( since he imagined that in time he would introduce him to them) and that in the same way he could be pleased with his answer. That was Essek, analytical to the end, even in conversations with his brother.

“There is a half orc, he is somewhat quiet but he is pleasant and he always seems willing to be a voice of reason ...there is a firbolg who seems to radiate peace wherever he goes ... there is a terribly tall and intimidating woman and let me tell you, Verin, you have faced terrible enemies but I stake my neck that with a look she would make you run away...there is a goblin girl that is no longer a goblin but a haffling, it is a long story it seems to me and I don't really know her completely … there is a blue tiefling girl that the most cheerful and energetic living being that I have ever seen in my life ...it is she who usually contacts me and she always has a glow in her eyes that seems to indicate that she is up to no good ... and ...there is a wizard...a wizard who from the Empire...who keeps saying that I remember him in many ways and that he is very interested in my studies with the Dunamancy, I have taught him some spells in fact "

Verin, who had been listening intently to his brother, put a hand to his forehead and sighed in resignation.

"I thought you were talking about your friends and not about people who are in search and capture" Verin couldn't believe that his brother was better at describing his ideas and projects than to the people he considered his friends "You need to improve your social skills a little, I mean it"

"Maybe I just want to give you a poor description so as not to influence your opinion of them," Essek observed, slightly offended by his brother's comment.

"Whatever" Verin wasn't going to argue because he knew that he was right no matter how much the other denied it. "At least tell me their names, I'll look like an idiot the day I meet them"

"It would be impossible for me to make you look for what you already are," Essek observed in such a serious tone that it took Verin a moment to realize he was joking.

"You are the worst brother in all of Exandria" Verin sentenced "and for that now you owe me something, to make me feel better after injurying my ego "

"And what do you want?" Essek thought that since his brother had listened to him at least he would try to be nice to him and grant him whatever he asked. As long as it was reasonable.

"You have a student? I have never seen you share your precious knowledge and spells with anyone, not even with me, but you have decided that someone from the empire deserves to learn something that has taken so much effort and pride for you " basically, Verin wanted to understand why, it was not a question of a suspicion towards that wizard or that he felt offended because he hadn't received such knowledge because he wasn't interested in magic.

"Caleb? As I told you ... we are quite similar and after talking to him and meeting him ... I have understood that he is worthy of being a student of mine. Like me, he's a prodigy in magic " he explained gently. There was more, much more, but Essek wasn't quite ready to discuss it with his younger brother. There were already too many feelings to talk about to add more.

"Oh please Caleb ... another magic nerd like you" Verin rolled his eyes and laughed "I don't want to imagine the interesting conversations you have"

Essek decided not to say anything, he wasn't going to be offended by that, Verin and he were different in the way they did things and also in how they did them. While his brother would never understand magic and had never felt his passion for it, he also didn't feel the need to pick up a sword or shield to attack or defend himself. But he thought that the best thing he could start to do was stop considering his younger brother less worthy just because he wasn't equal to him and because he was his own person.

"But I'm glad you found a nerd to talk to about those things that I don't understand," he admitted. One thing did not take away from the other, at least his brother had someone who understood him and supported him, as strange as the concept seemed. "in general I'm glad that you have found all of them, it's not good to be alone and focused on work as you do"

"I don't deserve them, I don't deserve their kindness," Essek admitted and was startled to realize how sincere he was being. Verin didn't know what his older brother had done, but the Mighty Neins did and the vast majority of them had accepted his past sins and offered him a chance of redemption. Especially Caleb, who had been the first to offer him a way to redeem himself for all the evil his actions had caused.

"The thing is, Essek, friends are there for many things, among them to support you and tell you when you're being a jerk" Verin gave his brother a gentle, friendly nudge as he laughed and shook his head. Essek had a lot to learn "and you may think that you don't deserve them but they will be the ones who decide that and it gives me that your friends aren't the ones who give up easily"

Verin then sighed and got up from his seat, it was beginning to be late for him and he considered that he had already tempted his luck by stealing his brother's valuable time. He had discovered things about Essek that he didn't imagine or think about and it was probably a good idea to process it alone and at home.

"It's good that you worry about it, that says a lot about you and how you feel for each and every one of them" he said looking out the window towards the mansion with the tree on the roof. He thought it was a pretty daring ridiculousness and that they must have pissed off his neighbors about it. “as a brother I tell you that if what I heard from them and everything they have done is not an exaggeration, then you don't have to worry, they will take more or less but they will come back eventually. Who knows, they may be saving more people from a terrible threat. "

Of course, Verin had no way of knowing how true his words were, but he didn't want Essek to worry more than he should in a situation where he couldn't do anything because he didn't know the exact location of the Mighty Nein to begin with. Whether he like it or not, he had to wait and it was better if he did it without thinking of anything negative happening to them.

They were the heroes of the dynasty and if they had managed to change their brother , then what could they not achieve?

**Author's Note:**

> Yaaas this oneshot is my 35 fic published here and I'm really happy to have more time to work in different stuff that I have in my mind.
> 
> I love Essek, I love Verin ( even if he still hadn't showed up at the show) and I want to have canon Thelyss brothers sheanigans.
> 
> Well, as always english is not my first language so I'm sorry if there is any mistakes.
> 
> Nothing more, thank you for reading !


End file.
